Duchess of Cambridge Gives Birth to Twin Boys!
By Ian Paisley-Tie, Overseas Correspondent.
<National Report> Royal observers were amazed this morning as UK Princess Kate Middleton gave birth to twin boys, at 11am BST.
The Duchess of Cambridge was said to be happy but tired after the gruelling three hour labour that produced two healthy but unexpectedly black-skinned babies. Kate and William were expecting only one child, and were officially unaware of what its gender or colour would be.
A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace, London residence of the Queen of England, said “this extraordinary occurrence is perfectly natural, but of course it may serve to fan the flames of the race debate that is currently sweeping the world like a bush fire.”
Medical experts say that it is rare, but not unknown, for white parents to give birth to black children. Gynaecologist Doctor Roger Quimm of the Royal & Paupers Infirmary hospital in Bethnall Green, told The National Report “anthropomorphic Jacksonism happens in about 0.1% of births in this country. The babies come out black, but gradually return to the pale pink skin colour of their parents over the course of the next 35 to 40 years”.
Buckingham Palace janitor Jedrzej Raciborski has another theory, though. With her husband away for nine months out of every year doing manly stuff like flying helicopters and wearing suits, Kate has had to find other ways of keeping herself entertained since becoming the Royal Heiress to the throne of England. “She plays a lot with Super Gloop,” says Jed.
Super Gloop contains, on average, 10% BMS
“As thousands of teenage girls find out each year, BMS is incredibly potent. It would only have taken a drop of the stuff to set off this procreative chain reaction!” said Conservative UK Prime Minister, Sir David Cameroon.
Kin Wellard, editor of The Canterbury Times has a more positive opinion: “Who cares how it happened? It’s great! It’s totally fabulous for England and the whole of the British Isles! And it may thankfully spread some of that flame-retardant white foam on the embers of the race war which were previously threatening our herbaceous borders.”
Kate and her husband William are said to be surprised and delighted, in any case. Prince Philip, himself of Greek extraction, is “over the moon” according to Palace sources. The Queen has yet to comment, but is said to have ordered a new hat for the christening ceremony, which will take place, as is usual under these circumstances, in Saint Bessarian’s Cathedral, Manchester.
But another difficult question looms over this Royal affair. According to Her Majesty’s physician in attendance, Doctor Poon Tang-Loup, the twins were born at exactly the same moment, the result of a secondary effect of anthropomorphic Jacksonism, known as slapperistic fibrosis. Princess Diana, of ex-Royal family fame, was also known to be a sufferer. Thus, the possibility of hereditary slapperistic fibrosis in the current Royal line is unfortunately not out of the question.
“Black twin babes”, not to be confused with “black twin babies”
No names have officially been given for the Royal twins yet, but Martin and Luther are the favourites in the William Hill “Royal black-boys” sweepstake, with outside odds of 100 to 1 on them sharing the role as Martin & Luther King.
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